COOKIE SHEET THUNDER

Violence is funny, especially against people
who read the back of Kiz boxes.

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

FIRST OF MANY ROD ALLEN QUOTES

Rod Allen maybe the best color commentary guy in the baseball., mostly because he is retarded.

Go on with yo' bad self baby-boy!
He is getting busy. B-I-Z-Z-Y busy!
From the neck up, he's one of the best Tigers.
The Tigers are dirty...dirty,dirty,dirty!
C-Mo's gettin' himself some ribeyes!
Oh no he didn’t! Oh no he didn’t!
When you hit 'em that far, you have to dial up a different area code, partner.
You can't sneak cheese by a rat.
That's a bingo number!
Whoa, get the married men off the infield!
Boy put a little mustard on that hotdog.
He got all in his kitchen, watch out for the splinters son.
He got in his kitchen and went in his refrigerator...and got a cold beverage.
That boy is country strong.
That's why you don't buzz gary sheffield's tower...you cannot intimidate this man. get those people out of the left field seats before somebody gets hurt, my oh my.
Polanco swings a magic wand, he always swings a magic wand when he's got a hole over there.
Oh boy! you'd better back up the brinks truck because bonderman is earnin' his benjamins tonight.
God couldn't hit that pitch.
His biological clock knew to throw that ball to first.
Mommy, make 'em stop it!
Texieria is a good defensive third basemen. He has won a gold glove... mainly because of his offense.
Thames calles off Infante....who was nowhere near him.

TIGER'S OPENING DAY LINEUP 2003

If you aren't a Tigers fan...this will mean nothing to you. Move on to Popeye.

Gene Kingsale, CF
Omar Infante, SS
Dmitri Young, LF/DH/3B
Bobby Higginson, RF
Dean Palmer, DH
Carlos Pena, 1B
Eric Munson, 3B
Brandon Inge, C
Ramon Santiago, 2B

Mike Maroth, SP

POPEYE'S LONG LOST MOTHER

While no one was actually looking for her, Erica managed to find a picture of Popeye's mom. Man is she hot stuff! The Skinny may need a new section entitled babes just for her.

FISH SAY THE DARNDEST THINGS

VAN DAMME FRIDAY!

Our boy tries to hide getting a boner on live T.V.

FINALLY A SMART STANCE

McCain may be my new candidate....check the table for an easy breakdown of McSweetass' stance on each of the issues.

	Barack Obama	Hillary Clinton	John McCain
Mortgage Crisis	10 million dollar fund to keep people in homes.	90 day moratorium on foreclosures.	"You ever hear of renting, you greedy moron?"
Abortion	Supports Roe v Wade.	Personally against abortion but supports Roe v Wade.	"Here's a novel idea, ladies... stop getting raped."
The Economy	80 billion in tax cuts for poor and middle class.	Will repeal the Bush tax cuts.	"Get a god damn job."
Immigration	Supports the guest worker program.	Voted to give drivers licenses to illegals.	"Look, I never had a white guy drive me to the airport."
Health Care	Universal Health care by end of 1st term.	Federally subsidize premiums for those unable to pay.	"Set your own broken bones, you pansies. I did."
Iraq	Remove all combat brigades by 3/31/08.	Will begin troop withdrawal within 60 days of inauguration.	"You ever hear of the Domino Theory? If we pull out now, we're gonna leave about 100 million Commie sperms floating around Asia's snatch."

HILLARY SURVIVES SNIPER ATTACK

A detailed analysis of Hillary's Bosnia trip, in cartoon form. While she admitted to lying when she said she was shot at by snipers...she still deserves credit for fending off my little pony.

And yes...that is Sinbad.

FATTY FIRE

I don't know why this is so funny...but it is.

See more funny videos at CollegeHumor

LOCKER ROOM URINAL

Locker Room Urinal directly from the Colts locker room. There are only a limited number of these collectible pieces available. Do not miss out on this once in a lifetime opportunity to own an authentic piece of the RCA Dome. This item will come with a letter of authenticity signed by Jim Irsay, owner of the Indianapolis Colts.Terms and Conditions: A shipping and handling charge of $90 will be added to this purchase. A 25% non-refundable deposit will be taken after the order is accepted. This item will not be available to ship until approximately 30 days after the Dome has been demolished.
SKU:
DOMECL013300

Current Bid: $500.00
Number of Bids: 0
Time Left: 1 Days, 7 hours, 56 minutes, 13 seconds






If you love Peyton Manning and all of his commercials a little too much…you can buy his urinal. Much like Tigers Stadium…the stupid pony dome is auctioning off anything they can before they tear the thing down.

THE WINE RACK

If you are big into drinking instead of music….you have an alternative option to the i-tit. Not only can “The Wine Rack” get you drunk….apparently it can also change your clothes for you.

The Winerack every girls best friend!Turn an A cup in to double Ds AND sport your favorite beverage for yourself and your friends! Better than a Boob Job and Cheaper Too! Not to mention the savings on over priced drinks.We developed The Winerack to “Fill Out” our product line if you will. The picture shown here is of our good friend Drea, who is NOT, no offense Drea, Well Endowed. Sporting the Winerack and Voila’ Drea’s giving Pamela Anderson a run for the money.Take a bottle of wine, a mixed drink or even a fifth of your favorite hard stuff to the movies, concerts, ball games, even PTA meetings. Sporting a rack that will turn heads and serving a beverage that will have guys standing in line for a sip of your secret stash!With simple blow into the tube it's easy to keep that full look even as you drink from your secret stash.

Features
Very comfortable sports bra available in versitile black.
Polyurathane bladder holds over 750ml or 25oz. of your favorite beverage.
Drinking tube long enought to route as you wish.
Easy to use on/off valve to control the flow.
Small Size best for 32A thru 36B. See Tech Specs for sizing chart.
Design optimized for smaller cup sizes

THE SKINNY DOES PORN

"If you showed up on a free porn site, I would totally click on you...."

~Lauren's gmail message

KNUT'S NUTS

Knut the polar bear is a 'publicity-addicted psycho', says keeper as he risks his job to speak out

By ALLAN HALL - More by this author » Last updated at 08:13am on 26th March 2008

Comments (8)

Knut the polar bear has turned from a cuddly cub into a publicity-addicted psycho, one of his keepers claimed yesterday.

Markus Roebke said Berlin Zoo's celebrity animal was obsessed with the limelight and howled with rage when denied an audience.

"Knut must go and the sooner the better," he said, insisting that the bear should be sent to an animal park where he received less attention.

Then and now: Left, Knut as a cuddly baby before his adoring fans, and right, as a grown-up 'publicity-addicted psycho'

"He is addicted to the whole show, the human adulation. It is not healthy.

"He actually cries out or whimpers if he sees that there is not a spectator outside his enclosure ready to ooh and aah at him.

PIRATE v NINJA v ROBOT v COMMUNISTS

pirate

ninja

robot

communists

Unlike James Bond would lead you to believe...we no longer have to worry about the commies, it's pirates that are the real concern now. Ninjas and robots aren't far behind though so watch your back.

HUMP DAY SPAM VOL. 3

• I entered her secret garden

Thanks to gmail letting me see part of the email without opening...I saw this said I can watch Lindsay Lohan giving a great blowjob. I passed.

• A good penis is a terrible thing to waste

Not sure how to react to this without sounding gay.

• Do you know the difference between a small big daddy and a huge one?

Adam Sandler on IMAX instead of that little TV in your bedroom?

• Quit talking and start shagging

Yes ma'am Mrs. Kensington

• Chicks choose guys with big banana promptly.

I have no idea what it's for...but this has to be some sort of mnemonics.

NEW WAVE WEDNESDAY VOL. 3

Once a hit song…now a crappy Halloween costume nobody actually buys.

STUPID RUSSIANS

THAT'S NOT C-WEBB

I was looking for a picture to put up to honor Chris Webber retiring, so i just typed "Chris Webber" into google images to see what came up....this was one of the pictures. Does it have anything to do with C-Webb? No, but it's better than a picture of a guy calling a timeout.

(Yes I found plenty of pictures of webber....i just like this one more.)

CRAIGSLIST RANT

Here is a perfect example of why you shouldn't take home random people from the bar. And if you do decide to, make sure you at least put out or bad things could happen. Click the picture to see the fullsize(readable) version. The comments are absurd.

BUBB RUBB, OUR MAN IN THE STREET

Whistle tips go WOOO WOOO!

Pretty happy this didn't catch on around here.

MR T. TUESDAY VOL. 2

A brief synopsis of the what Mr. T does and doesn't allow on planet earth.

In other news, Mr. T was recently spotted destroying the periodic table. When asked why, he replied that the only element he recognizes is the element of surprise.

Lindsay Hunter All-Stars

Now, the reason that we're inherently prejudiced against the Lopez twins is simple: They're charter members of the Lindsay Hunter All-Stars for "Athletes with names that make them sound like hot girls." In other words, because their names make them sound like two smoking-hot juniors at an all-girls prep school, it's impossible to take them seriously as NBA prospects. If their names were Dwight Lopez and Isaac Lopez, you'd feel much better about them in the first round. You would. On the flip side, you could argue that O.J. Mayo received so much hype over the past two seasons simply because he had such a fantastic name. Anyway, watch the Lopez twins this week and pretend their names are Dwight and Isaac. You'll feel much better about them.

~Bill Simmons

For those who don't know(girls) The Lopez twins are 7'1" college men's basketball players....whose names happen to be Brook and Robin

iTIT from Apple

Apple Computer announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play high fidelity music in women’s breast implants.

The iTit will cost $499 or $599 depending on speaker size.

This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women have always complained about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them

SMOOTH CRIMINAL

Just released from lockup, man tries carjacking

The Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office called him stupid Tuesday. But Frank Singleton could almost write the book on how to turn a misdemeanor into a felony without ever leaving the jail's parking lot.

"This is one of the stupid criminals," Sheriff's Office spokesman Paul Miller said.

Singleton, 21, of West Palm Beach, got released from the county lockup Tuesday after being arrested on a misdemeanor trespassing charge.

He immediately ran out into the visitor's parking lot and, in an apparent effort to get away as quickly as possible, tried to carjack a 2006 Nissan 350Z, Miller said.

The woman who was driving it, Justine Lapierre, was just getting out of her car when Singleton ran at her saying, "I want your car," Miller said.

He pushed Lapierre out of the way, grabbed the keys and jumped into the Nissan. But it was a manual transmission and Singleton couldn't operate it, Miller said.

Hearing the commotion, Sheriff's Office Pastor Leo Krug walked up and, holding his handgun by his side, ordered the barely free Singleton to the ground so a deputy could handcuff him.

Singleton was booked on a carjacking charge.

"I don't think he wanted to go back to jail," Miller said. "I think he really wanted to get away and was looking for a car." When the detective was making the arrest, he asked Singleton why he did this.

"I didn't feel like walking," Singleton said.

KICKED HIM WHERE?

Forming sentances may be hard but entertaining me is not.

SANSKRIT...THE NEW SHAKESPEAR

One suggestion of something to do while waiting for the next Skinny post.

HOOKER 1

Ashley Dupre, aka Kristen, now a 7 diamond hooker (golden vagina)
got her start as a lowly Girls Gone Wild tramp. Joe Francis is
one hell of a talent scout if she went from stripping for nickles
to $3,100 per hour sexy time explosions.

BS JOB

It would be funny if it weren't so true.

"When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car"

~unknown

DISCO DEMOLITION

Disco does suck...thats why you have a Disco Demolition. Click the pic for the comical story about the day that disco died.

Garfield without Garfield

AGENT ZERO STEALS A JOKE

I know this is random, but I just want to clear this up for people out there.

There are these things called shark attacks, but there is no such thing as a shark attack. I have never seen a real shark attack.

I know you're making a weird face as you're reading this. OK people, a shark attack is not what we see on TV and what people portray it as.

We're humans. We live on land. Sharks live in water.

So if you're swimming in the water and a shark bites you, that's called trespassing. That is called trespassing. That is not a shark attack.

A shark attack is if you're chilling at home, sitting on your couch, and a shark comes in and bites you; now that's a shark attack. Now, if you're chilling in the water, that is called invasion of space. So I have never heard of a shark attack.

When I see on the news where it's like, 'There have been 10 shark attacks,' I'm like, 'Hey, for real?! They're just running around? Sharks are walking now, huh! We live on the land, we don't live underwater.'

~Ian Williams via Gilbert Arenas

HARRY'S JIMMYHAT

Even nerds need protection....or at least the rest of us awesome people need protection from them procreating.

I QUIT!

The easiest way to quit your job, and tell someone the time as well.

HUMP DAY SPAM VOL. 2

• I wanted to relieve “blue balls”
  

See girls…it is a true phenonmenon, my spam said so.

• Take Hayden from behind
  

Apparently if you take whatever they’re selling, you automatically get to bang a chick named Hayden…who knew it was so simple.

• Huge dimension gives increased force

Teaching nerds to get laid one email at a time.

• I wanted to punish myself
  

Totally confused by this one…

• It was easier to "go all the way" than to stop

The ultimate excuse

• Most popular jang enlargement

This makes the list purely for introducing us tothe word "jang"

NEW WAVE WEDNESDAYS VOL. 2

Long before Mugatu and his piano key next tie...
there was Frankie Goes to Hollywood.

MR. T. TUESDAY VOL. 1

A VERY FRATASTIC ST. PATTY'S DAY

12:00 - Head over to Theta Chi. The place is warzone, as expected. A bunch of dudes are sitting around wearing sunglasses and shirts that say "asshole" on them looking totally sweet (and surprisingly NOT yelling racial slurs at passersby). I head inside only to be greeted by a radiator that is spitting out steam like some sort of angry dragon and the rest of the place looks like it got hit by a hurricane. Outside we realize that Theta Chi has stolen their keg of Killian's from Theta Xi next door. We proceed to drink most of it until a Theta Xi guy comes and asks for it back the way a four-year-old would ask if he can please have a cookie.

Way to make me proud boys.

MEGHAN GOES TO JAIL

I was with some friends at one of the bars listening to a band play and I was wasted/stoned out of my little mind and I walked right onto 6th st, which is like the main drag during SXSW, so cops everywhere. I had my beer with me still, not thinking about it and a cop walked right up to me and was just going to give me a ticket for open intox. Then i started being a drunk and they decided I was disturbing the peace - which was hilarious because it was loud as fuck. Then they found marijuana in my pocket so they decided that I could use some time to think to myself in a pretty little jail cell due to drunken open intox and minor possession of weed. I made a friend in there though, a nice bum by the name of "hey you over there stop singing" The cops kept me until i could walk/talk/all of it coherently. At one point my parents called my phone while I was in there and one of the cops came over and asked "do you want me to answer this call from "parents home?" I told them "no thanks"

~Meghan

COULD BE A CRACKHEAD

A follow up to the Leprechaun news story.

DONNY DOES CHICAGO

Donny immortalized on www.hotchickswithdouchebags.com during last year's St. Patty's Day party. Great website.

THINGS WHITE PEOPLE LIKE

• #87 Outdoor Performance Clothes
• #86 Shorts
• #85 The Wire
• #84 T-Shirts
• #83 Bad Memories of High School
• #82 Hating Corporations
• #81 Graduate School
  
• #80 The Idea of Soccer
• #79 Modern Furniture
• #78 Multilingual Children
• #77 Musical Comedy
• #76 Bottles of Water
• #75 Threatening to Move to Canada
• #74 Oscar Parties
• #73 Gentrification
• #72 Study Abroad
• #71 Being the only white person around
• #70 Difficult Breakups
• #69 Mos Def
• #68 Michel Gondry
• #67 Standing Still at Concerts
• #66 Divorce
• #65 Co-Ed Sports
• #64 Recycling
• #63 Expensive Sandwiches
• #62 Knowing What’s Best for Poor People
• #61 Bicycles
• #60 Toyota Prius
• #59 Natural Medicine
• #58 Japan
• #57 Juno
• #56 Lawyers
• #55 Apologies
• #54 Kitchen Gadgets
• #53 Dogs
• #52 Sarah Silverman
• #51 Living by the Water
• #50 Irony
• #49 Vintage
• #48 Whole Foods and Grocery Co-ops
• #47 Arts Degrees
• #46 The Sunday New York Times
• #45 Asian Fusion Food
• #44 Public Radio
• #43 Plays
• #42 Sushi
• #41 Indie Music
• #40 Apple Products
• #39 Netflix
• #38 Arrested Development
• #37 Renovations
• #36 Breakfast Places
• #35 The Daily Show/Colbert Report
• #34 Architecture
• #33 Marijuana
• #32 Vegan/Vegetarianism
• #31 Snowboarding
• #30 Wrigley Field
• #29 80s Night
• #28 Not having a TV
• #27 Marathons
• #26 Manhattan (now Brooklyn too!)
• #25 David Sedaris
• #24 Wine
• #23 Microbreweries
• #22 Having Two Last Names
• #21 Writers Workshops
• #20 Being an expert on YOUR culture
• #19 Traveling
• #18 Awareness
• #17 Hating their Parents
• #16 Gifted Children
• #15 Yoga
• #14 Having Black Friends
• #13 Tea
• #12 Non-Profit Organizations
• #11 Asian Girls
• #10 Wes Anderson Movies
• #9 Making you feel bad about not going outside
• #8 Barack Obama
• #7 Diversity
• #6 Organic Food
• #5 Farmer’s Markets
• #4 Assists
• #3 Film Festivals
• #2 Religions their parents don’t belong to
• #1 Coffee

Details on all of these can be found at http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/

1..2..3..4 ROP YOUR APRON ON THE FLOOR

From Gangsters Paradise to Cooking With Coolio!

This is just a taste of the greatness.....if you are really bored, check out http://www.mydamnchannel.com/Cookin_with_Coolio/Cookin_with_Coolio/1CoolioCapreseSalad_530.aspx for longer episodes.

COCAINE'S A HELLUVA DRUG

And I thought things like this only happen in Flint, urns out Kansas City is pretty awesome as well. 2 year olds are running around eating crack; I wonder if it was strawberry?

KC teen charged after son, two other toddlers eat cocaine

By TONY RIZZO

The Kansas City Star

A Kansas City teenage mom faces child endangerment charges after hospital tests revealed that her 2-year-old son and two other young children ingested crack cocaine.

The children apparently sampled crumbs that the mom left behind when she darted out to sell drugs, court records allege.

Children’s Mercy Hospital staff contacted police after one of the children suffered seizures earlier this week.

Jackson County prosecutors on Thursday charged Tasha Cole, 17, with four felony counts of endangering the welfare of a child. They requested a $75,000 bond.

After giving police several false stories, Cole admitted that she left the children with a friend while she sold drugs, according to the affidavit filed in court to support the charges.

According to court records:

Cole told police that when she returned to the apartment in the 3000 block of Harrison Street, she found the children playing with the plate on which she had “cut” the crack cocaine. A razor blade lay on the floor.

Cole told detectives that when she put the plate down earlier, it had crumbs of cocaine on it. She told police that she picked up the razor blade but left the plate. About 10 minutes later she realized the children were playing with the plate, and she took them across the hall and told relatives what happened.

One relative wanted to take the children to the hospital, but Cole told her not to because she was “scared.” Later, when her son began having seizures, she took him to the hospital.

Not told about the cocaine, hospital staff treated the boy, took a urine sample and released him. Later, the sample came back positive for cocaine.

Hospital staff asked Cole to return and notified police.

As part of the investigation, the other two children who had been in the apartment, ages 3 and 2 were checked. Both tested positive for cocaine, according to the court documents.

VAN DAMME FRIDAY!

When Van Damme Friday meets The Skinny...magic happens

MUST BE A PICASSO

Of course they made a tshirt....I'm sure all the people of Alabama are fighting to use the 1 computer with internet in the state in order to buy one.

VANILLA SNOW

For those who didn't see the video for Chocolate Rain, this probably
won't make much sense....but shit nothing on The Skinny makes much sense.

HIDDEN XRAY MACHING CAPTURES MURDER

If one good thing has come out of this whole Hookers R Us trip, it's this picture for on "Kristen's" myspace message board.

KRISTEN = NOT THAT SWEET LOOKING

In case you were wondering what a 7 diamond hooker looks like...here you go. If any skinny readers (only females need apply) that want to pay me $3300+ for sex, I'm only an email away and will send photos(nude for additional fee).

WHERE DA GOLD AT?

SHIRTS DON'T LIE

Happy Birthday from The Skinny. We're all glad you escaped from your test tube 24 years ago today.

ASIANS DON'T BELIEVE IN POLITICAL CORRECTNESS

Capper has now been moved to my 2nd favorite term for the physically disabled in order to make room for DEFORMITY PEOPLE.

DUCK TALES GOES COMMIE

It may just be me, but this isn't quite how I remember this old classic.

http://view.break.com/464395 - Watch more free videos

CLIENT 9 FOR LIFE

Nothing says I bang hookers quite like a tshirt...be sure to get yours today.

NEW WAVE WEDNESDAYS VOL. 1

I have always wanted to start New Wave Wednesdays but never had the forum. Well, now I do...so now I am. It seems only fitting to start this new tradition with one of the most ridiculous songs ever produced. Is it in English? No. Does the video make sense no? No. Does that make it incredibly funny? Yes.

We talkin' bout Falco and shit....Rock Me Amadeus.

NEW WEEKLY POST...THE BEST OF SPAM SUBJECT LINES

What better way to celebrate hump day than with a list of emails that typically involve enlarging your penis, bank account, or penis.

• Let's argue that my aggregate is bigger than yours

The use of words like aggregate is a nice attempt to appear legit, but we all know what's goin' on here.

• I wanted to give someone a sexually transmitted disease (e.g., herpes, AIDS).

I am not even sure what the purpose of this is, because I obvious refuse to open the STD envelope. A cab driver once told me not to fall in a dirty lake, and I plan to heed that advice.

• Open me...

How did they know I like to be told what to do? Good work my friend.

• It would allow me to "get sex out of my system" so that I could focus on other things.

Nothing better than trying to use logic to solve your problem...obviously not sent by a woman.

• Beliefnet: Prayer for the Death of an Infant

I'm confused, why would I want to pray for an infant to die?

CRACK WHORE HEAVEN

Los Angeles, California - (Ass Mess): Narcotics agents in Yolo County, California have arrested six people after impounding over five pounds of innovative sperm-flavor cocaine.

Commander Roy Giorgi of the Yolo Narcotic Enforcement Team said today the find is a departure from recent strawberry, banana and coconut-flavored coke which has flooded the market due to demand for wholesome, organic, fruit flavored intoxicants.

"We've monitored this trend and heard users' reports that even though cocaine is snorted through the nostrils, it can still be tasted.

"Lots of coke-fiends have complained that regular cocaine gives a medicine taste in the back of the throat, so we kinda understood the market move to fruity flavors.

"But this new sperm-tasting coke has us baffled."

Giorgi dismissed reports that the latest impounded contraband may have just been "ejaculated into" by a careless or spiteful supplier before being circulated onto the streets:

"We're pretty sure it's part of the fruit-flavored range. Maybe it's just a nostalgic thing for the celibate, kinda to remind them of the sex lives they once had?

"Nah, I don't swallow that one either."

BENNY LAVA

What do you get when you combine the greatest dance moves ever,
incredible lyrics, and an Indian music video???

STAR WARS EP. 7

It may be old...but that makes it classic right? What you are
thinking is exactly correct, laughing at fat kids is eternally funny.

LUDA'S GOT HOES

“I’m a female and a feminist. I dislike the usage of the word ‘ho’. However, as a geography major, I find this song hilarious, and had to map it,” says Stefanie Gray, referring to ‘Area Codes’ by the rap artist Ludacris.

Rap, for those less familiar with the term, is a genre in which the rhythmic delivery of rhyme and wordplay constitutes the main element of the music. Rap relates to singing as racewalking relates to running – but that’s just my inexpert opinion.

Rap music has been criticised for its content, which often consists of crude and ludicrous bragging about the rapper’s lyrical, financial, criminal, physical and sexual prowess. ‘Area Codes’ could be considered as an example of this phenomenon, sometimes referred to as gangsta rap:

“I’ll jump off the G4, we can meet outside/So control your hormones and keep your drawers on/’Til I close the door and I’m jumping your bones/3-1-2’s, 3-1-3’s (oh), 2-1-5’s, 8-0-three’s (oh)/Read your horoscope and eat some horderves (sic)/Ten on pump one, these hoes is self serve/7-5-7, 4-1-0’s, my cell phone just overloads.”

“In this song, Ludacris brags about the area codes where he knows women, whom he refers to as ‘hoes’,” says Ms Gray, who plotted out all the area codes mentioned in this song on a map of the United States. She arrived at some interesting conclusions as to the locations of this rapper’s preferred female companionship:

• “Ludacris heavily favors the East Coast to the West, save for Seattle, San Francisco, Sacramento, and Las Vegas.”
• “Ludacris travels frequently along the Boswash corridor.”
• “There is a ‘ho belt‘ phenomenon nearly synonymous with the ‘Bible Belt’.”
• “Ludacris has hoes in the entire state of Maryland.”
• “Ludacris has a disproportionate ho-zone in rural Nebraska. He might favor white women as much as he does black women, or perhaps, girls who farm.”
• “Ludacris’s ideal ‘ho-highway’ would be I-95.”
• “Ludacris has hoes in the Midway and Wake Islands. Only scientists are allowed to inhabit the Midway Islands, and only military personnel may inhabit the Wake Islands. Draw your own conclusion.”

Ludacris is not deterred by clever and/or strong women? The concept of Ludacris’ song reminds me a bit of ‘I’ve Been Everywhere’ by Johnny Cash, which, come to think of it, probably shares some subtext with ‘Area Codes’.